


this isn't you anymore

by VisserLad



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Character Death, Depression, F/M, Friendship/Love, Mental Instability, Platonic Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-25 20:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4975771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisserLad/pseuds/VisserLad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a series of moments between garrus vakarian and commander j. shepard-<br/><span class="small">mixing between romantic, platonic and just straight up friendship.</span></p>
            </blockquote>





	this isn't you anymore

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not entirely sure if this is gonna be just a jumble of moments between the two,  
> or if this will have a plot at some point BUT it'll still be between both of em

Two years takes a toll on you whether you want it to or not, especially when those two years are the worst of your life.

Everything seemed really god damn simple after that routine mission, terrifying and inevitable but  _simple_. Something went wrong leaving a ship destroyed and a soldier spaced, glazed panicked eyes watched as everything in front of her tore apart, the ship was burning up in the atmosphere and the only thing she could hear were her own fast paced breaths that fogged up the vision in front of her. Questions filled her mind in a matter of seconds, everyone pushing through to get answered first but none of them actually getting the answer they wanted, the truth of the matter took over once the hissing sound of air being leaked pierced its way through her breaths. Panic set in even heavier now, limbs reaching out to find the source of the hole and cover it, her head yelling the same thing over and over  _'Not this way'_ ,  _'Not this fucking way'_ ,  _'I'm not going out like this'_ , if it was up to here she'd rather have gone in battle, to at least here the same familiar voices of crew over gunfire, the adrenaline pumping through her veins like it was fire under her skin, but here there wasn't anything except for the sinking feeling in her gut and the anxiety bubbling in her throat as breaths became more shallow. 

Here was the great Commander Shepard, the one who saved the Council and the Citadel, the one who defeated Saren.

Being suffocated in space due to a mystery ship on a routine mission. 

* * *

Bullets zipped through the air, leaving no time for silence and no time for breaks, each bullet edging just a little to close to the turian and each one reminding him that this wasn't looking to great even if he tried to be optimistic. Sure, he had time to accept that if he was going out at least it would be in some form of a blaze of glory and he'd still be remembered between gangs and citizens, but there was still a small part holding onto hope, hoping that he'd get just a wind of luck and make it out of this even if he had no clue what else to do.

But as another shot edged a small line to his shoulder pad, that hope was sliced in half and the grim reality of what was gonna happen jumped up in his face. At least he was taking a good amount of bastards down with him, at this point he'd almost depleted their freelancer supply, the gangs getting desperate and sending more of their own people over the edge to get a bullet in the head sent dearly from himself. You'd think they'd backed off awhile ago but once you've  _really_  pissed off more than one group of thugs, they decide it either all in or nothing at all, he wouldn't have it any other way if this was how it was gonna end. He looks over the railing again, eye in scope tracking movements from the barricade and watching as more prepared to hop over, three freelancers so far, maybe four or five counting the noises coming from the area behind him, he'd have to prepare for the doors failing eventually- so he ducks down taking in a breath before edging over the railing again and taking town one of the freelancers, just hopping over the edge for a fight but now slumping to the ground, his scope following as boots edged their way into the scope at the corpse. 

There was the hope.

As the scope darted upwards he could feel his entire chest tightening, his head a mix of  _'You're finally losing it now Vakarian'_ and _'Took you long enough Shepard.'_  . Of course the person at the end of the road was the one who already reached theirs, Her face was familiar and completely different all at once, but he would recognize regardless of his own disbelief, Here was Shepard, Dead for two years but here now and on his side as she shot off rounds into the back of Freelancers, each one yelling a warning of panic once they realized who's side she really was and what chance they actually stood now corned between himself and the mystery Rogue-Freelancers.

He bought himself time at least, putting a few rounds into the ground towards Shepard just to keep the Mercs on their toes. He couldn't have his only chance of making it through this getting shot in the back due to the early realization of what was going on. Gun shots rang out louder from behind him, a few thumps from what he was assuming was a biotic and finally the clear yells that could be heard closest to the door keeping his ass protected. As the finally freelancer dropped outside his door he got ready, keeping himself over the railing in a mix of anxiety and sheer focus- the doors slid open and a voice he'd never forget filled the air, "Archangel?" He kept his facade of the name, raising a hand away from the rifle and towards Shepard, signalling her to wait as he fired a round off into the neck of a Freelancer who thought his cover was enough to get passed the bridge.

Now this was where things were going to get interesting, 

Raising from the railing with the help of his rifle, the turian moved to remove his helmet, propping himself on the sidearm of the couch and leg on the cushion.

"Shepard." His voice was rougher than usual he imagined, not a lot of time to talk when everyone wanted you dead.

The way his throat felt closed as he spoke his next line felt unnatural, "I thought you were dead." The question was understandable though, after you'd seen a years worth of memorials for your friend and you'd watch the way it tore apart the crew you'd come to know so well- the least you deserved was an explanation.

"Garrus! What are you doing here?" There's a mix of disbelief and feign energy in her voice as a familiar face draws itself on the same dark skin, you'd almost belief it was the same woman from two years ago if the scars that covered her cheeks and forehead reminded you that those two years had happened and there was sure as hell something happening with this woman in that time, bags under her eyes and the hesitation that filled her stance around the two unknown individuals around her showed that she wasn't quite at ease with whatever happened either.

"Just keeping my skills sharp, a little target practice." It was dry humor if anything, but it still probed a response out of Shepard.

Air hung dry around them for a moment, Shepard's voice dropping as she replied. "You okay?"

He replies quickly, not wanting to keep the topic open. "Been better, but it sure is good to see a friendly face.. Killing mercs is hard work, especially on my own."

"You nailed me good a couple times, by the way."

"Concussive rounds only, no harm done. Didn't want the mercs getting suspicious."

"..Uh-huh."

"If I wanted to do more thank take your shields down, I'd have done it." Witty banter was a pleasant change, but there was still the atmosphere around them that proved this wasn't the time or place for this. "Besides, you were taking your sweet time. I needed to get you moving." 

Yet it continued, Shepard lifting an eyebrow to pose her own question now. "Since when did you start calling yourself Archangel?"

The name felt different and unnatural when Shepard said it, "It's just a name the locals gave me, for all my good deeds- I don't mind it, but please.. It's just  _Garrus_  to you." That at least got a brief inhale of laughter from the woman laying down the questions now, "How'd you manage to piss off ever major merc organisation in the Terminus Systems?" Garrus took a moment for this one, rolling his neck slightly to sooth a kink.

"It wasn't easy, I really had to work at it. I am amazed that they teamed up to fight me.. they must  _really_  hate me."

It was back to business now as Shepards demeanor changed, the soldier pushing past the casualties as she glanced over to the balcony. "Well.. we got here, but I don't think getting out will be as easy."

"No, it won't. That bridge has saved my life.. funneling all those witless idiots into scope.. But it works both ways."

Shepard had gotten closer, following Garrus to edge as both of them mapped out the surroundings around them. "They'll slaughter us if we try to get out that way." He hadn't been expecting for one of the companions to speak up however, the dark haired woman who'd been standing around in displeasure as the two old time friends spoke, he'd narrowed his eyes as she spat out an opinion bitterly. "So we just sit here and wait for them to take us out?" Nothing was that easy, but he'd expected a negative voice like that to perk up once his eyes connected with the Cerberus logo on her uniform.  

"It's not all that bad, This place has held them off so far.. and with the three of you.. I suggest we hold this location, wait for a crack in their defenses, and take our chances." It wasn't a amazing plan, but it wasn't half bad, and it was about the best they were going to get.

It took a moment of hesitation, Shepard had placed both hands on the balcony with a sigh and speaking out as if she had half expected to get a reply and half didn't. "How'd you let yourself get into this position, Garrus.." He spoke up regardless, looking at the barricade on the bridge hoping it at least give him half a reason not to continue the subject. "My feelings got in the way of my better judgment.. It's a long story." He screwed with his rifle idly, talons grazing the trigger as he raised his head, Shepard followed and the both kept eye contact. "I'll make you a deal; you get me out of here alive, and I'll tell you the whole damn thing." -Even if he really didn't want to the story would at least be with Shepard instead of some idiot in C-Sec.

Her lips went pursed as she gave a brief nod. "If we fight as a team, we'll hold them off." 

"You're right. Their numbers won't help them in here, anyway."

* * *

As the gun ship spun itself into flames an explosion went off, one of the wings had collided with the balcony as it flew out of control, the noise was loud enough to make ears ring and temporarily throw the team off. Shepard threw an arm up to block the flames the scaled in through the window for a moment before flickering back out and following the blazing ship, it took a moment to get herself back on her feet as the ringing cleared and the room cleared, whatever relief she had was brushed out quickly once the realization hit her- A limp body laid in a pool of blood, bullet casings and singed floor, blue armor shredded on the top rim of his collar and his face almost impossible to tell through the thick blood and torn flesh leaking out of the side of his mandibles and eye socket. 

Her body moved before her mind did, rushing to the side of the injured unresponsive turian on the floor, hands and eyes rushing to find some sort of life signs anything that would make this just a little better, then a sharp inhale shocked her. The clear panicked eyes of a dying man signed everything, he was alive but hell no one knew for how much longer if they didn't get him to the Normandy, the gurgles of a man choking on his own blood filled Shepards ears as she yelled out to the team a mix of orders she only half remembered. 

The time after that was a mix of disbelief and sheer anger, flaring her nostrils at anyone who attempted to speak to her, a haze filled her head as she watched over the turian making sure to stay close just in case the worse of things happened, the last thing she wanted was for his death to be surrounded in Cerberus operatives and unfamiliar faces.

Once they had gotten onto the Normandy Miranda's yells became louder, prying her away from the body and forcing her back into the game making sure the Commander went to at least strip the thick layers of grime and blood that was covering practically the entire side of her both hands thickly coated just to make it worse as well. Showering hadn't helped much, watching as red bled back into the drain and dark skin finally peaking through the disgusting scene she'd laid out before hand, everything felt tingly and numb, thoughts focused on the well being of a friend that she wasn't even by right now- _Hell,_ he could've been **dead** and she's _here_ taking a **shower**.

It felt surreal, even days rolled on she still expected to wake up in her old room to Joker on the intercom and Alenko banging on the door, nothing felt clear anymore. She thought it might've been better to pass away then wake up to a face and body that's been reassembled against her own wishes.

 


End file.
